The American press are reporting on a brand new drug that has crawled its way onto the Chinese black market. Consumed by the Chinese elite, 'Baby Powders' or 'Toddles' as it is affectionately known, has become a must have for all high flying men of the orient.
Created by crushing children under the age of 5 into a fine powder, 'kid ket' is fuelling an underground market of baby snatching. Unconfirmed reports are stating no child is safe on the streets of Hong Kong as wild, newly moneyed Chinamen, "unable to handle their nation's newfound status as a world power"[1] are stalking schools, playgrounds and hospitals in search of their next fix.
CNN have shown "accurate" recreations of Chinese tourists posing as 'pacifiers' and 'potties' in order to gain access to their precious quarry.
When consumed, the Asian nipper-sniffer will become intoxicated, making them incredibly polite, humble and welcoming. One well known Chinese diplomat , Kim Yu, was found trying to smuggle several babies through American customs using something known as a 'pushchair' (they have also been known to use baskets, whereas some are seen brazenly holding children, even attempting to kiss them in an attempt to get a quicker fix). When questioned by US officials, their translator interpreting that Yu had said "So good to meet you. I am looking forward to visiting your fine lands and meeting your wonderful people", a statement which clearly shows that, after a 16hr flight, that he had ingested toxic substances. Yu's lawyer claimed he was on a 'family holiday' but American interpreters were unable to make head nor tails of this Asian terminology. Yu has since been transported to Guantanamo Bay where he will be held indefinitely.With over 97% of China's population reported to be involved at some level in the production of children, the American government has made it clear that any purchase of Chinese goods, or even support of Chinese culture is now aiding a country wide criminal enterprise.
The U.N are in talks to place economic sanctions on China, led by the US congress, in an attempt to stop the flow of Chinese children into the west.
[1] Hilary Clinton 'Government Secrets and Me: An Email Diary'
Sam Barron
