LONDON UNDERWATER - Guys as Brides Cause Rising Tides
Have the consequences of mainstream gender fluidity finally reared their ugly head?
Fuck. It's over. We warned there would be ramifications, but even our worst fears could not have realised that this is the form they would take.
Since the beginning of the mainstream trans-gender discourse, the Caitlyn Genesis(c), speculators have risked their lives and, more seriously, inciting the wrath of the LGBT twitter mafia by asking how long this new age of inclusivity could last. Not very fucking long, it turns out. Ladies and gentlemen, gender has now become so fluid it is actively sloshing out of people's bodies, leaving huge puddles of pure gender on our streets. Disgusting.
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| 20-a-day Jenner |
In a humiliating U-turn, DNA has decided to renege on the biological constructs, also know as facts, by which it was previously defined and has allowed itself to become subject to the whims of the online progressive community. Since adopting this partisan attitude, it is estimated that DNA is responsible for well over 600 gender puddles that have appeared nationwide, with over 400 of them in known LGBT danger zone London [i]. Joan, 47, who lives in Chalk Farm, told The Truth Bar, "I stepped in an enormous puddle near Canonbury station and immediately felt a bit queer, by the time I got off the bus I had a non-binary genital and was extremely cautious of respecting pronouns, whatever the fuck that means."
In terms of findings a solution, the current administration is woefully ill-equipped to deal with such a phenomenon, with only Boris Johnson having put forward a plan for combating flooding that will soon debilitate our infrastructure. The London Mayor has proposed a quarantine of affected areas and a mandatory "utter hosing downery" of Londoners who have come into contact with the debauched fluid, citing his much maligned water canons as the perfect tool.
Members of the opposition see this as mere political posturing following the kraut water canon's latest rebuke by the Home Secretary. The Mayor's office was due to release a statement this morning but the deadline for this has since passed. The Truth Bar understands the order in which opponents of his proposal should "fuck off and/or die" is a particular sticking point amongst City Hall scriptwriters,What is certain is that the situation will continue to worsen. Hastily assembled government think tank Aquatic Normalisation Agency for Lomdon [ii] has realised figures suggesting that London will be under water by 2046 at current rates.
Imagine Venice with grand canals of sodomy and you're only painting half the Canaletto.
Charles Worrall
[i] we will be providing information on emerging LGBT danger zones in your city as the crisis develops
[ii] see full report on www.AquaticNormalisationAgencyforLomdon.com
