In Bed With Corbyn - Labour frontrunner cosys up to yet another terrorist group.

1/9/15

In Hamas and Hezbollah, Labour leadership candidate Jeremy Corbyn has an unusual set of friends, but his latest affiliation is perhaps his most controversial.  It turns out Corbyn, a sexual magical figure from England, is now cuddling up with the Tuscan Raiders.  That's right, Corbyn is a sand person.  There has been some furore over Corbyn's recent absence from public view at such a vital stage of the labour elections,  but The Truth Bar can reveal exclusively what the useless sack of bones and pullovers has been up to in recent days...



Scenes at Calais

Frontrunner Corbyn has been spotted attacking articulated lorries at the French border with groups of Tuscan Raiders in an attempt to aid the crossing of illegal immigrants to British shores. This alarming development has prompted senior politicians to warn the public about what a vote for Corybn might mean, with national treasure and political poster boy Tony Blair expressing believable fear regarding Corbyn's political renaissance.  Blair, a man with a stellar foreign policy record, told The Truth Bar, "he DID say something about returning more powerful than ever, I think he plans to amass, or should I say "Hamas", a communist force at the French border".





 

Corbyn's brethren

The recent developments about Corbyn's whereabouts in the last week have made sense of yesterdays strange demonstration outside Buckingham Palace, where the Islington North MP addressed a group of Sand People, or "People of Desertous Descent" along with some young white women. Speaking in his native tongue, Corbyn was heard proclaiming "AHKK  AKK AKKK ARAKK KAKK!" to rapturous applause from the crowd, some of which were brandishing placards bearing slogans such as "from Tatooine to Tower Bridge, Corbyn's gonna stop 'um".






Corbyn as double agent in 80's

This is clever from Corbyn, by allowing hordes of Uruk Hai into the country and offering them a path to citizenship once Labour storm to victory in 2020,  he is cunningly increasing the portion of the electorate that will no doubt vote for the "here's some free stuff" type of government Corbyn would surely preside over. Insiders say Corbyn has been a sand person for over 30 years, and despite some rumours of a period spent as a double agent, is fully committed to the cause of mass migration into Britain. 
Corybn, a known bigot, has been frequently lambasted for his stance on many issues, ranging from the killing of Osama Bin Laden, a "misunderstood porn addict" according to him, to his support of homeopathy, a somewhat outdated belief system whereby human beings regenerate using the blood of homosexuals. This, in addition to yet another endorsement of a terrorist group, could seriously jeopardise his candidacy.

We asked a spokesperson for Hamas about Corbyn's latest affiliation..."I'm disappointed, I loved Corbyn, I was so gay for him I was going to throw myself off a building".  Corbyn's other foreign policy love interests are clearly sceptical about his ability to juggle his commitments and keep promises made to the respective groups.  Lets wait and see if the Tuscan Raiders are just another notch on his bedpost along his quest to absolute power.




Sam Barron & Charles Worrall